She ghosted you. Months of silence. Then, out of nowhere: "hey, how've you been?" No mention of the disappearance. No explanation. Just a casual text as if things picked up right where they left off.
The strange thing is how often it works.
The "hey" costs her almost nothing to send. She doesn't have to explain the gap, doesn't have to apologize, doesn't have to do any of the work of rebuilding. She just shows up and sees if the door is still open. If you respond, she gets to pick up something that already had momentum without starting from scratch. If you don't, she's no worse off than before sending it.
Your position is harder because the pull is real. Whatever existed before the ghost was genuine: the connection, the attraction, the possibility. The "hey" activates all of that. Ignoring it requires a decision. Responding is just responding.
That's the asymmetry. She has nothing to lose by coming back. You're the one who has to decide what to do with it.
What makes it work is that the text doesn't need to justify the gap. It just needs to be enough to get a reply. Once you reply, the conversation is happening and the gap is already behind you. The window for addressing it closes fast.
Dominated strategies
Picking up as if nothing happened. If you respond without acknowledging the silence, you've accepted the terms: she can disappear and come back without consequence. That makes the next disappearance easier, not harder.
Assuming the return means something changed. She came back because something shifted on her end: something else ended, she got bored, she was curious. That's different from her having resolved whatever made her leave the first time.
The move, if you're going to engage: name the gap before moving past it. Not as an accusation. Just "you disappeared for three months, what happened?" Either she has an answer, which tells you something, or she deflects, which tells you more. If you let it slide, you're starting from a position where the disappearance already has no consequences.
The other move: don't respond. The "hey" has no weight. It costs her nothing. Not responding costs you nothing either, except the slight discomfort of not knowing what she wanted. That's a reasonable trade.